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May 4, 2006


by @ 10:35 am. Filed under SUSE Blog News

First off, a huge thank-you to everyone who has defined ‘satire’ for me in the comments to my last post. As one guy put it, I totally took it hook, line, and sinker. He’s right… that author is probably laughing it up at people who break out in hives when they read stuff like that. Whelpsie, looks like someone has a feel for how to push buttons. Man, this reminds me of “The Usual Suspects.” Very nice. All that said, I am relieved to see that the author (hopefully) did indeed write that as satire.

Next item up for business: Was my score of 127 an IQ or a blood-pressure reading? Makes one wonder.


It still felt pretty great to vent. After all, it’s called SUSE Linux RANTS. 🙂

Believe me, regardless of what it looks like sometimes, I don’t take myself that seriously. Ask Jason or Steve. Huh, guys? 🙂

Linux and Brainpower

by @ 6:45 am. Filed under General Linux, My Opinion

I know this is old news, but I seriously can’t not react to something like this. See if you can stick a match into gasoline without it igniting. Jam a rake into your eyeball 37 times as fast as you can without blinking. That’s what stuff like this is for me. I just can’t help it.

Before I get started, please read the opinion piece located at I have it on good authority that the very server hosting that original story was a Linux machine.

Let me just start by saying that it is a rare joy for me to delight in staring in absolutely blank-faced disbelief at something that I find so ill-informed, so completely beyond ludicrous, something that is absolutely so far off base, that it makes me feel good about my own intelligence quotient being so far above 53, which has to be that of the author of the above piece. As most of my friends will tell you, not much surprises me. At those times when I am so totally and completely derailed because of my complete inability to comprehend the depth of someone else’s ignorance, I kind of get a kick out of it. Not the fact that someone else is stupid, but because of how ignorant they actually are. What dumbfounds me even further is that there are actually people who, out of their zombified groupie zeal, automatically agree as a knee-jerk reaction with everything they see and/or read without a single glimmer of research, thought, or consideration for logical plausibility. No wonder the Nigerian scammers and paypal phishers keep doing their evil deeds. Enough people fall for it (because they don’t think) that it is profitable. Am I in the wrong line of work?

Be forewarned. Material after this point may just a bit sarcastic and nasty. If this offends you, buy this movie and let it take you to a happy place. This is not that place.

I will be quoting favorite bits from the article, and then providing my comments, to wit:

“I’m talking about a project called ‘Linux’, something you may not have encountered, but might do some day.”

Maybe if you removed your head from your ass, you would have a chance to encounter it, too. Or better yet, you’d be able to encounter my baseball bat encountering your skull. Or how about the encounter of my steel-toed boot encountering the middle of your sternum?

“It’s a computer program that was initially developed in Finland as a means of circumventing valuable copyrights and patents owned by an American company called SCO Group.”

Best I can gather, SCO wasn’t even around in the early 90’s when Linux was developed. Valuable copyrights, huh? So valuable that the company was dropped from the New York Stock Exchange (dunno if they ever got back in). As far as I know, Linux is a world-wide movement that has an enormous following in the United States. Actually, two of the hugest distributions, Red Hat and SUSE are both companies based in the United States, one of which is a Linux distribution, and the other has a Linux distribution.. So, basically anything you are saying here is not only wrong, but couldn’t be any less true. Seriously. Someone come up with a sentence that is less true than that one and email it to me.

“Unlike Windows, which is a mature commercial product which is normally included with every new computer, Linux is given away.”

Oh, the dread. Linux is given away free. Well, I also give away free kicks to the groin. And if, by “mature,” you mean buggy, not secure, resource-hungry, and otherwise garbage, then I guess you’re right. I just bought a new computer. Didn’t come with Windows. Yep, Linux is definitely given away. If I had the resources, I’d give Linux away for a living (I know, that was a joke).

“This would be certainly true were in not for the Linux project’s seductive Marxist ideology…”

That’s a bunch of big words. Do you have the faintest clue what you are even saying? My 17-month-old daughter can repeat words, too. But she poops in her pants. Do you do that?

“Indeed, Linux is so pervasive amongst the blue states and many liberal universities that a leading computer expert Steve Balmer (from Microsoft) described Linux as cancer.”

It’s actually B-a-l-l-m-e-r with two l’s. Surely you could have found that out on your own. Actually, I could have my 6-year-old nephew call you and help you with that. Anyway, what do you think he would do? You think he’d get up and say, “You know what, at Microsoft, we really do realize how much Windows sucks on donkey anus. Really, you should not buy Windows. You should download Linux instead.” If he stated that obvious truth, he’d be out of work ere he finished his sentence. Of course he’s going to try and hypnotize the entire planet into believing every word that spews like explosive diarrhea from his mouth. Obviously, you don’t have the brainpower to consider the whole situation for what it is. How long before you were hypnotized?

“These days computers control everything from TV stations to battleships; Our crucial information and defense infrastructure is built on computer technology. If we allow this cancer into our networks, there is no knowing what the effect might be on our infrastructure…”

From the various armed forces of the United States that have employed Linux, the effect is that all of a sudden, things are working. Oh, the horror.

“Imagine if a stealth-bomber crashed because it’s software was written by anonymous Chinese or European hackers. It would make as much sense as inviting the French to come over and take over the White-House.”

Someone forgot to take their meds. What is your obsession with Chinese people? For the love of all that is holy…

“And guess what software Osama Bin Laden uses on his laptop?
If you guessed it was Linux you would be 100% right. Osama uses Linux because he knows designed to counterfit DVDs, curcumventing the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, and defraud companies like Disney.”

And you know this how. Because you’re good buds with him? Besides, your grammar here isn’t even right. If you’re going to so eloquently proclaim to the entire population of the Earth that you claim to have the inside scoop on a conspiracy bigger than the world has ever known, make sure that your grammar is correct.

“Next time somebody asks you how Al Queda agents pay for their rifles and rocket launchers, you can tell them that foreign hackers make software called Linux which helps them steal from Americans.”

Hey, fax me some Linux. I need to go trade it in for some heat-seeking missiles.

“Fortunately Microsoft have prepared a great deal of information to help computer users get away from this menace.”

Yep, it’s called Windows Vista, the most costly mistake in the entire recorded history of this planet, enough to drive any conscious, reasoning human being to use Linux. Additionally, the great deal of information that M$ have provided was done by 3rd-party companies that were paid to give the results that were produced. No one (besides you, I guess) believes their self-deceiving crap. Do one search on the Internet for Linux (which, judging by the astounding quality of your thoughts, I can tell that you didn’t do), you’d see how full of pure crap they are.

“If one of your friends is using Linux or may be tempted to try it show them this article.”

And that will accomplish what? Them laughing at what a dolt you are?

“Explain that Linux is a genuine threat and that by using it they may be opening their computer to Chinese hackers.”

Calling all Chinese hackers. Calling all Chinese hackers. Please, if you have information that the rest of the planet doesn’t have that makes machines running Linux so easily hackable as to make them into public property, let the rest of us know. As far as the true tests and studies prove, Linux security runs circles around Windows, and has for at least a decade.

“If you see a company using Linux, it may be that they have not paid for this software.”

Congratulations, you realized that ‘free’ means that they don’t pay for it, huh? Anyone have a gold star for this person?

“Report them to the Business Software Alliance who have the legal authority to inspect any company’s computers for illegal programs like Linux.”

This has to be the most baffling statement in this entire “article.” Little newsflash: If Linux were illegal, companies like NOVELL would not be buying distributions. And surely ORACLE would not be considering doing the same. Linux is not illegal. Although it should be illegal for people to be allowed to drive with such minimal brainpower as you have.

“Finally, remember to include Linux users in your prayers tonight.”

Yep, pray that they will help spread Linux awareness so that people like you do not embarrass themsleves online in front of thousands and thousands of people.

“…. the Bible teaches that God can make any sinner repent.

Actually, it doesn’t. Moral agency would be completely destroyed if that were the case. If you study the Bible at all, you will see that it is Satan who seeks to take away this agency. So… you are ass-backwards, once again.

Alrighty, I’m done picking. Reading stuff like that just makes it totally and completely obvious that you cannot just believe everything you read online. People say that I’m paranoid. Believe me, just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you. Anyway, before you swallow pure feces like what this person has written, do at very least 48.3 seconds of research so that you don’t beg for someone to come and kick your ass. Seriously, learn to use your brain matter for something besides filling the void between your ears and behind your eyeballs. A simple thought process that would address this issue is as follows:

You ask yourself, “I wonder if this is true.” You open Google and do a few minutes’ worth of research. You come to your own conclusion by thinking and reasoning and support your conclusion with well-known facts.

See how simple of a process that is? Think for yourself before you just automatically equate all sensory input with absolute truth.

OK, I have got to wrap this up before my bewilderment gets the best of me.

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