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May 3, 2007

A Tip for Anyone Who Uses a Keyboard

by @ 7:03 am. Filed under computer tips

Being a computer user for the past couple of decades has had its great moments. Especially when I discovered linux. However, it hasn’t always been pixie dust and fluffy rose bunnies. Every once in awhile, something goes wrong. Because I have the charismatic temperament of Fluorosulfuric acid, I go through many a keyboard. Sometimes, this is because I go from Mr. Calm to Mr. Super Bionic Smash Fist and destroy it because something went wrong. Other times, it is because I go from Mr. Suave And Coordinated to Mr. Blundering Elephantine-Thumbed Stumbling Oaf and unload gallons of Coke into it.

Sadly, for the former situation, the only solution is about $86,203.00 and a really good psychotherapist. For the latter, however, there is a wonderful solution. Being self-appointed Microsoft Antagonist Number 1, you may find it a little odd that I can only use the M$ Ergonomic Keyboards. At least they don’t have bugs.

Anyway, when you spill something on them, or they get all crusty and old, there is a little trick you can do to make them all shiny and new again. Throw them in the dishwasher and take them through a spin cycle on high.

You know that keyboard I dumped Coke into the other week? Well, that is the very same keyboard I am using to type this up right now. How, you say? Well, I took all the screws out of the back of it, took out the little green electronic board and the lights and PS/2 cord. Well, the rest of it is just plastic and rubber. Like me, all you have to do is slap it all into your favorite dishwasher (be it your mom’s, your dad’s, your daughter’s, your son’s, your aunt’s, your uncle’s, or your first wife’s mother’s second husband’s). Make sure you have everything set to COLD (don’t wanna melt it), fill ‘er up with dish soap, and hit GO.

When it’s all done, take it all out and let it air dry for about 34 weeks or until dry. When it is sufficiently dry, put it all back together again, and plug ‘er in. Assuming it really was sufficiently dry and you didn’t just make a nice brick out of your CPU, it should work quite nicely, like the day you bought it.

So there’s a quick tip for people who love to get their keyboards all nasty and gross.

BTW, if you do put your keyboard in the dishwasher, and completely destroy it, tough, it ain’t my problem. Anyone who puts a computer keyboard into their washer should get their head checked, anyway.

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