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April 1, 2006

Windows Vista Screenshots Leaked!

by @ 6:58 am. Filed under April Fool's Jokes

Unbelievably, I was able to get ahold of some screenshots of the upcoming version of Windows. My source at Microsoft, who will remain unnamed per their wishes, answered a few questions for me. I will refer to this person as William.

Scott: So, can you explain Microsoft’s approach to this ever-elusive next version of Windows?

William: Sure, Scott. As you can see, we wanted to keep things simple. Windows has just gotten way too heavy and inefficient over the years, consuming more and more system resources with each new version. Also, things seem like they’ve gotten harder and harder to use. We wanted to make it as intuitive and user-friendly as possible. That’s why we went with the blue interface. That, and my favorite color is blue.

Scott: I see you have quite an astounding new Control Panel. What all can you do with that puppy?

William: Well, you are now able to change the system time, fiddle with the mouse setting, and some other very cool things.

Scott: Like what?

William: Well, the newest multimedia concepts available today include the ability to change your system colors. We thought this would be a huge step forward in the desktop customization industry.

Scott: I suppose the next thing you’re going to tell me is that users are going to be able to create, edit, and produce their own multimedia?

William: Now you’re catching the vision! We have enhanced the graphic design program beyond anything we’ve ever done before. You can now open and draw your own pictures in 8 colors.

William: Not only that, we have included a new sound card that plugs into a USB weed eater. This allows users to import sounds never before available.

Scott: Tell me about networking, security and Internet connectivity. It seems like Microsoft has struggled a little in the past with security. Have you done anything to address these types of issues?

William: Yes, we completely removed all networking capabilities. That fixed 100% of all virus, worm, and malware problems. You can’t get any better than 100%.

Scott: Absolutely mind-blowing. How ever do you do it? Let’s talk about programmatical innovation for a minute. What types of new system applications will be offered?

William: Well, we have this scientifically-proven new angle to addition and subtraction. We like to call it Calc. It does square roots, too. I was under the impression that most roots were round and pointy, but the programmers assure me that you can get square ones, as well.

Scott: Many computer users like games. Have you done anything to fill these types of needs?

William: Absolutely. That was one of the first things we thought of, which is why we included Reversi.

Scott: Nice. Now, if I have a problem, is there tech support available?

William: Yes, we offer one free carrier pigeon, as networking is now obsolete. You just fill out the problem ticket, put it in the capsule attached to the bird’s foot, and then throw it out your window. It will find its way back to us (assuming it doesn’t get sucked into any F-16 engines). We will then contact you by phone.

Scott: Anything else?

William: Yes, we have also completely redesigned our desktop system from the ground up. This ensures that you will be able to find all applications that you have running. They are all iconified in one, easy-to-use desktop.

Scott: Well, there you have it folks. The inside scoop on the next version of Windows, dubbed Hasta La Vista.

Obviously, this is an April Fool’s Joke; breathe a sigh of relief. These are actually screenshots that I took of Windows 2.03 yesterday.

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